April 24, 2008 by pamela.

Whenever we attend a HomeSchool conference or listen to a message espousing the benefits of home education, we tend to talk about it for days — weeks, even. But our enthusiasm or dedication to home education is not limited to or sparked by those times. Our dedication to homeschooling is strengthened, though, by such times as we just experienced this past weekend. Our enthusiasm is occasionally dampened by some failure or some personal discouragement, but truly, for twenty years, our enthusiasm to press on has not waned.

I suppose I could just say that occasionally we run into those 2 Corinthians 4.8 times: “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;” It is in those times that we have learned to step back, evaluate the day, evaluate the curriculum, evaluate the level of understanding and stand still for a bit. It’s in those ’standing still’ times that we can best determine our next step (for that child, or for all the children, as the case may be) and not hastily toss in the towel. All is not lost, all is not for naught as the enemy might entice us to believe.

Sometimes we take on too many things for a season and need to shelve things for a bit. Other times (and this is more often the case) we need to *add* some more things to the daily study load. Now, that might seem like a contradiction - but no; sometimes the weariness or the naughtiness stems not from too much to do, but too little. That’s why the ’standing still’ times or the evaluation times are so necessary.

I was recently asked if I believe every Christian parent should homeschool their children. You know, I used to give a politically correct answer to this question - fearing reproach for emphatically stating what I erroneously thought was just a personal conviction. So, as I am now accustomed to doing, I answered with resolute conviction and said, yes. Yes, I do believe all Christian parents should home educate their children.

I believe it to be a scriptural mandate and now, more than ever, a culturally necessary decision. I don’t say this to stir controversy or to cast aspersions at all, but rather, because of the nature and scope of government eduction. I/we could never endorse a great deal of what’s commonly taught in government schools - and believe me, I/we do recognize the great wealth of information available to government school students - that’s not questioned at all. However, those benefits are far and away overshadowed by the immoral teachings and presuppositions, philosophies, theories taught as fact and behaviours that are antithetical to Scripture and our Creator — not to mention the fact that the Word clearly delineates who children’s teachers ought to be and what they’re to teach.

So, these are my heart thoughts: Home is where the heart is. Home is where the learning begins. Home is where each child’s story is written and history is recorded and where the glory of the Lord is walked, talked and the Word is read and lived out. Home may not have all that the world has to offer, this is true… but, I have to ask: is that what we want to give our children anyway?

Home. Don’t miss it for the world.

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April 3, 2008 by pamela.

I think about this verse a lot — I’ve thought about it a lot over the years. What does it mean and how do I practically apply it? What do we, as parents, needs to keep as our focus when we’re training up our children in the way they should go? I think a lot of us started out thinking of this verse and using it as sort of a boundary verse. You know, train up the children in Sunday School and church, pray with them at their bedside after they’ve brushed their teeth at night… be sure they know the books of the Bible and John 3.16 - throw in the 23rd Psalm and Amazing Grace and they’ll pretty much have a firm foundation (and hopefully, cavity free teeth).

Well, the long longer I’ve lived and, actually, the longer I’ve been parenting, I’ve come to see this verse as much deeper and much more important than my earlier understanding from the first cursory reading and subsequent years of listening to radio programs or hearing child-training talks at retreats or homeschooling conferences or when reading how-to books on child rearing. Now, I’m not disparaging the use of oft cited verses for support of parenting methods or directives - not at all, what I mean to say is that there is much, much more to each verse than might be initially understood - or, rather, I think we too often take a very simplistic view of a particular passage. We too often focus on the outward behaviour — and that is very, very important - but what we want to do is reach the heart — train the heart.

Take the Deuteronomy 6 passage, for example. We read it, accept it, believe it and *say* we want to apply it. Now, do we? Do we really? Or do we, in reality, just want to believe it — want for it to have been applied when we look back at our parenting years. I mean, it’s an exceedingly worthy — but extremely challenging standard to bear and goal to attain.

Consider: “… shall teach them diligently unto thy children… shall talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them… and thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house and on thy gates.” (for emphasis, italics mine — Deuteronomy 6.6-9)

Train up a child in the way he should go… I think we, as parents of young children, are so busy with the dailies and the tyranny of the urgent, that we lose sight of the long haul or the end result — the *way* they should go. We get caught up in the “today they shall go” instead of the long “way they shall go.’

Train up a child in the way he should go.
Train up a child in the way he should go.
Train up a child in the way he should go.
Train up a child in the way he should go.
Train up a child in the way he should go.

Too often, we get ahold of some training book, parenting method or homeschooling program, or we go to some seminar or join some organization and we attempt to implement all the right stuff and think that in doing so, we’ll come out with children all trained up the THE way - we see sparkling faces and think: that’s what I want, shining children. We think if we put in all the right stuff, we’ll pull out perfect looking children. And I think we miss a whole bunch. I know *I* did (and, sadly, still do sometimes). We miss the deeper stuff of what God is teaching us in His Word. His Word is great, it’s deep and it’s worth mining. And minding.

I think I erred or missed in the early days the training up a child in the way he should go - bcz God has a specific and marvelous plan for each child. Each child is a story - each child has a story - each child is a unique gift going a unique way and needs unique training for the way he/she should go. O, my, I think I missed that early on. I thought I understood the training — the shaping the will without breaking the Spirit… (Yes, a product of the 70’s parenting and Dobson’s Focus on the Family 6 week film series) the daring to discipline and all of that. I was wanting to do everything right for a proper immediate response and was not focused on the very long term end result so much. You know… sort of like in Willy Wonka… when Mrs. Salt says, “Happiness is what counts with children, happiness and harmony.”

I/we was/were looking for a happy, ‘well adjusted child’ and we did have that — but somewhere along the way, I missed a key point in the training of the first two boys - we both did, my husband and I. We mistook outward obedience for a yielded heart. We see that we really ought to have attended more to very specific idiosyncrasies of each boy - each boy’s bent - or, the way each *he* should go. We knew we were to instill a love for the Lord, a love for His Word - but I think the heart wasn’t always yielded. In the end, it’s to Jesus, it’s for Jesus, it’s with Jesus. So, what I am saying is that there is a way each child should be treated - though using the same material, the same information, the same everything — perhaps the way it’s delivered or the style, etc., will occasionally be unique to each child - thus, a child trained up in the way he should go.

I know we’ve sure had ample opportunities to implement this ‘theory’ over the years. What ‘works’ for one child will not or does not necessarily ‘work’ in or for another one. One discipline method for one would be totally excessive for another. In the initial training phase, one child can hear a direction and I can be fairly certain it will be obeyed - another child can hear the same command and will always probably need to be supervised or checked on. After the initial training is done, the discipline to follow through will be different with both children or more. My goal is still the same - my method is not necessarily the same.

In the end, my hope and prayer, my only desire is that our children walk in Truth and that they love and follow Jesus. Wherever He takes them. Whatever the cost. I pray none be lost and that all be found occupying, serving the Lord till He returns.

Timothy in Ghana

Kathryn in Uganda

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March 31, 2008 by pamela.

Over the years of blogging, I’ve become more reticent to share how-to-do-it-right parenting advice. I mean, who wants to be critiqued to death for suggesting an idea or giving advice that, in someone else’s home, might end up being the straw that breaks the mama’s back. So, I guess I try to give advice or encouragement from time to time that will not add to the load of cares or be another burden to bear, but rather to lighten the load and brighten the day. Even if, in the beginning, what I suggest or share seems to add to the already heavy load.  Now, I know blog entries on lots of things, including the emergent church or the dialectic, just might be seen as too heavy-handed or critical and that articles on political or economy or food or whatever seem to be too much. If that’s the case for you, then just click on that little red X in the upper right corner… maybe another day the serving will be a better dish for you.  I’m not a light thinker - I’m not just here for entertainment or, rather, to be entertained.  Life’s too long and too short for all that - but even still, I pray that the joy comes through.

But today I’d like to share a couple of things I will never regret doing as a mother or that we, my husband and I, will never regret implementing in our home. The first is daily Bible study and prayer. We have never had a day that we thought was a waste of time or worthless or whatever other negative. In all candidness, though, we have had days that were a struggle to finish. Now, that’s not a negative, but a reality. And the reality is this: from time to time we will be studying through a passage and what can only be understood as ’spiritual warfare’ seemed to descend upon our dining room like a dark cloud. It is on those days that Wes has had to stop and pray and ask the Lord to redirect or rededicate the thoughts and attention to His Word. It’s rare, but it happens. But, I digress. What happens most of the time is a meeting with the Lord and the illumination of His Word. And bcz we’ve done this through so many years, we’ve seen His hand, we’ve seen His way over and over again.

Whether we spend months reading 5 Psalms and a Proverb each day or whether we take a book and go through it or whether we just read through from beginning to end, each day we meet at the table and open the Word and take turns reading around. We do this even if we have ‘guests’ at the table or if we’re away from home. Truly, this is when we see that ‘home’ really is where the heart is.

The reading of the 5 Psalms and a Proverb goes like this: on the first day of the month (or whatever day it happens to be that you start), you read Psalm 1, then 31, thne 61, then 91, and finally, 121 and then Proverbs 1. On the second day: 2, 32, 62, 92, 122 and Proverbs 2 and so on, in this manner every day, through the month. On the 29th of the month you would skip Psalm 119 and save that reading for the months with 31 days - you would then, on the 31st of the month: read Psalm 119 and Proverbs 31. Doing this, you will read all the Psalms and all the Proverbs every month - five and one a day. The reading through will likely take quite a while… years, maybe… because of the springboard for discussions, family values, ways of doing things, traditions, etc., etc.

So I said I had a couple of things or pieces of advice or encouragement I think everyone should do. Lots of things that people are convicted to do are things that make some other people cringe or react negatively or defensively. See, that’s why I refrain sometimes. So… in those cases — when I’m just pretty sure that might happen, I just write or locate a pertinent article and put it somewhere on the website in the particular category it fits and then I just trust the Lord to lead a sister or brother to read and heed whatever He leads.

But for today, this is the kind of advice that can be given to all people in all places for all time - it’s not just a personal conviction - the daily reading of the Word - but is commanded by the Lord throughout His Word.

Okay, so here the other of the ‘couple of things.’ And these go hand in hand. We’ve had some of our greatest teaching times or springboards or greatest times of clarity and understanding come from having our children take notes or draw pictures of whatever is being read that day. The clarity comes from correcting a misunderstood word or phrase - such as Amelia’s, “Moses standing in the ‘Presents’ of God” pictures. She had that so clear in her mind and her drawing was so sincere - but it wasn’t accurate. Same as her “ark of the Covenant” pictures that needed to be corrected to show her that the “Ark of the Covenant” wasn’t filled with animals and stone tables… the animals were in *Noah’s* ark. However - the pictures stay in our minds as a very clear picture of standing in God’s presenCe - or the animals in the ark and the tables in an entirely different ark.

And that is a very clear demonstration to us all that we all need correction when we read something and come to an inaccurate conclusion. This might be done through using the concordance or the Bible Dictionary or the Webster’s 1828 Dictionary or Strong’s or whatever. But whatever the case, we have found that great teaching and learning happens in little bits, snippets of time, around the table. The youngers have pictures to remember and the olders have notes in their own hand at different ages… both are wonderful mementos of days gone by. I think they also serve as reminders that we have been this way before… even if we forget what we’ve read or let slip what we’ve learned - I think that’s one of the most damaging tools of the enemy - the nudging that maybe we’ve never read something or never heard something before. The notes and pics serve as reminders of what God has said.

The only reservation or word of caution I must give you in suggesting these two (what I consider to be) parenting ‘imperatives’ is this: be prepared to bite your cheeks when pics are drawn by imaginative children and you have to sit quietly listening to the interpretation you’re hearing (and then formulate an thoughtful reply and/or subtle correction to the understanding). Just so’s ya know.

Yep…  it’s one of those days.  Bcz…  last week was…  long.

Posted in Parenting, devotionals, Family | Print | 3 Comments »

March 18, 2008 by pamela.

Wes reads great books to our family several nights a week. I love to listen to him read — he reads well, clearly, passionately, with enthusiasm and occasionally he’ll even give the characters’ voice. So he was reading to us last evening and the stark current reality of the long ago written story was astounding to me. The book is, The Shining Sword by Charles Coleman, originally written in 1956. It’s one of those timeless, classic books — sort of like John Bunyan’s, The Pilgrim’s Progress, that teaches deeply important Bible truths in such an engaging manner.

Each night as Wes reads, the children listen with rapt attention to the trials and conquests of Lanus and the use of the whole armour of God. I’m sure our children will not forget the value of the armour of God, His power and the enemy’s piercings of the sword and the value and protection of the armour given every believer and follower of Jesus Christ.

I think family story time is probably one of the most valuable and important investments parent can make. It’s just such an invaluable time — great training, great truths instilled, wonderful opportunities to dialog and compare and contrast what’s read with the Word of God and it’s just such a rewarding time each time the family gathers around to listen to papa read. I read to them, too — and they enjoy it, but there’s just something particularly wonderful about having papa read the stories.  I especially like it… his voice is soothing to me.

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March 7, 2008 by pamela.

Well… it’s Friday… one more thought going into the weekend. About those children? You know the ones we so desire to nurture, home educate, train up and give God the glory? Yep, well, they’re watching. Sam sent me this one:

Posted in Heard at our house today, Parenting | Print | No Comments »

November 13, 2007 by pamela.

I’m sort of stuck in neutral here - or am still drinking a cup of tea and mulling over Cindy’s ongoing blog entries and numerous(!!) comments from thoughtful readers. The original post was the springboard for a couple of my entries here and likely a few more. Now, from (her blog) was “Older Mothers of the World Unite,” which led to “Calling All Moms for Real Advice,” and then, today’s “Disciplining Children.” I don’t know of anything that gets women talking more than the multifaceted topic of discipline/child-training/pregnancy. Well, maybe… wifely submission. O, and dresses. Well, okay, and feminism.

And, after a comment I received here last night, I started thinking… not about what I hate to see younger moms doing but sort of in response that letter, I thought, well, what would I tell a young mom were my biggest mistakes? Or, rather, instead of sharing what I think is right, maybe I’d share some stuff I discovered along the way - some of my mistakes - and there’s not a top ten bcz, actually, mistakes, like sin, cannot be qualified or quantified exactly. Some things I thought were biggies - big mistakes - were actually not as big as I thought they were and a few things I didn’t think were all that bad were actually quite devastating. But I learned from them - or am learning from them.

So, here are some mistakes - ten of ‘em.

1. Chocolate Hazelnut decaf Stash tea.
2. Chopped walnuts in pumpkin-pie filling.
3. Not closing the car door properly after grocery shopping.
4. Getting a dog from the pound.
5. Buying an old, valuable antique sofa that just needed to be recovered (it had plastic legs - I discovered later) .
6. Allowing cream of wheat to dry on the highchair tray.
7. Not keeping nail-polish on a high shelf.
8. Vacuuming up powdered sugar.
9. Allowing a teen-age son to help me keep the very squeaky back door oiled with WD-40 so that it opened and closed quietly for me.
10. Confusing or thinking that outward obedience was synonymous with inward submission.

So there you go… ten mistakes of the many I have made. It may seem I made light of mistakes - I have a tendency to use humour to share -but not gloss over- things I have learned.

In that list, that last one is or was one of the most serious and painful mistakes I/we have ever made. Now, I must interject here that I did then and do now believe that God is, indeed, sovereign and that He allows and works all things together for good — for my good and for my children’s good.

There was a period of time where we so sought to have our children following the Lord and obeying His Word that we were looking for homeschooling materials and methods to better help us accomplish that. We were willing to do anything - whatever it took - to train them up to be obedient, to be faithful, to be exemplary in character and in deed.  It was, character first! to us, we were diligent to study - diligent to serve - diligent to strive for ‘mastery’ in education and skills. We consider that period of time to have been exceedingly valuable to us and is still benefiting us today. And you know why? Because we learned a very painful lesson about inward and outward discipline and appearance - and that we have a critically important job as parents to be sure of our children’s hearts and actions and we need to love each one of them in the way they, individually, need to be loved and nurtured. We learned some painful lessons about law and grace. We learned some very, very important lessons about virtual reality and literal reality - that seems isn’t the same as is. We learned that sometimes love is tough.

And so that is why, for me, one of the greatest mistakes I have ever made is looking on outward obedience and assuming sincere inward submission - both to God and to parents.

Now, that’s not the end of the story… because, God, being the loving, faithful, compassionate, merciful and gracious God that He is, could not - did not - leave us there. But He took us from there and has been leading us along the way through these many years. The squeaky back door? Well, that was ten years ago. It was a very important part of my life story - my/our parenting story - and God’s demonstration of faithful intervention on my behalf. You see, had I/we not had a wayward child, I/we might have been erroneously under the notion that *I* was/we were responsible for all the good things they were, are or did; I would, today, be an unbearable pharisee. I know, I know, to some I am unbearable - pharisee or no.

But just as I needed to learn what I learned in the valley after my husband’s recent heart attack, so also I needed to learn what I learned in the valley of being the mother of a prodigal. I love and appreciate my husband in ways I never have before and I love and appreciate my children in ways I couldn’t prior to having a prodigal and learning the invaluable lessons I learned. I do not wish for either of those two experiences for any other woman - but from those and other life experiences, I hope to encourage those who may never face them, those who have faced them or those who are in the midst of facing them. For, as I have said many times, sorrow skips no home and God wastes no thread.

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November 9, 2007 by pamela.

That statement rings in my ears.

As I thought back on the Titus2 meeting last evening I was mindful of things similar to the title of today’s blog entry… things I had intended to write about this morning but now my train of thought has gone elsewhere. So I continue to mull this over. “… Lost time can never be redeemed.” And while that is true, I consider the thought or the truth or the hope that lost time can, in fact, be repaired by the great Redeemer - but truly there is great wisdom in that “lost time can never be redeemed” statement. I’ll share some ‘repair’ thoughts later.

But for now, I simply want to focus on the source of that quote - contained in a sermon I heard this morning.

I was gripped with sorrow for people I don’t know - have never met - people who are mourning the loss of the fine young man who spoke those words in that sermon at age seventeen. I marvel at the wisdom and accomplishment of the young man whose nineteen years on this earth came to an abrupt end as his life was suddenly taken this past week. I grieve for the mother and father of that precious son - what fine training he obviously received. What honour they have received in the bearing and training this fine son. What wisdom in youth! What strength of character! What knowledge and understanding: rightly dividing the Word of Truth! What a testimony of God’s marvelous grace. May God help and bless the Billings family.

I listened to the sermon he preached - and it, for me, encapsulated my hope for young men - our young men and the sons of my sisters in Christ. Were I to attempt to define what should be the goal of child training or bringing up young boys who would be men, it would be this - it would be a life totally and completely yielded to God, a life of steadfastness to the end - faithful to the end - loyal to the end - blessed and being a blessing.

Here is an early tribute by Doug Phillips to

Michael Billings; 1988 - 2007, A Son of Hope, An Unparalleled Defender of the Faith, and a Bright Shining Star in the Kingdom of God…”

When you listen to Michael’s sermon, you will see why Doug Phillips also wrote:

Michael was the oldest young man I have ever met and the single most passionate champion of truth to emerge from the ranks of the Vision Forum students. He died without regret, justified, uncompromising — a righteous man if ever we knew one. “

In the closing of the message, Life is But a Vapor, Michael preached that day, he admonished:

Fear God and Keep His commandments…
night is falling: you must seize the day.”

What a fine young man. What a testimony of a life fully yielded to Christ. What hope for us mothers who wonder how might we live today in the training of sons.

More in tribute to Michael Billings

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September 12, 2007 by pamela.

The interesting thing about grandparenting little ones while still bringing up little ones at home is the necessary time each requires. Necessary time for instilling priorities and grounding in the relationship, necessary time for attention and care and necessary time for establishing order and authority. It’s a tough balancing act at times.

There’s the grandparents inherent desire to be accepted, appreciated, loved, etc., by the grandchildren — something that really is natural in children, but somehow, generally, grandparents don’t have that solid assurance from their grandchildren that they have from their own children. I think it has to do with the entirely right and appropriate authority of parents. But I think parents have a lot to do with the level of authority and respect represented and shown for their children’s grandparents. Children know their parents are their “authorities,” but they have this testing ground with grandparents… do they have to obey them or not? do they have to listen or not. Again, parents bear a great responsibility here: they must guide the level of authority and responsibility and obedience.

I like to think of it this way: when we have a job to do, we take responsibility for the planning, execution and completion of the job. If we don’t have the freedom to do the job completely, then we’ve not really been given responsibility for the job. Same with grandparenting. Grandparents need to be given the “authority” to look after the children, to be obeyed and to discipline when necessary. When the grandchildren know these perameters or expectations are set, they will have the freedom to love and obey the grandparents as they ought — and when the grandparents are sure of their place in the grandchildren’s lives, they, too, have the freedom to love and care for the grandchildren appropriately.

But if the grandparents are don’t have the blessing of the children’s parents to be true grand-parents, then they’ll naturally go down another path bcz they’ll still want to have the loyalty and affection of the grandchildren—the grandchildren will know they don’t have to listen or obey the grandparents and so the grandparents will seek, perhaps manipulative, ways to gain the hearts of the grandchildren and, ironically, the grandchildren will attempt to manipulate the permissive grandparents.

When the grandparents don’t have the obedience of the grandchildren their relationship will on shaky ground. If the children’s parents are seeking to train up the children in the way they should go, and yet have compromising grandparents to deal with, then the grandchildren will be torn by the guilt they will come to have if/when they behave contrary to parent’s wishes. They will be torn by split loyalties. They will be trapped in the snares of temptation and permissive grandparents. And the foolish grandparents will wonder: what happened here?

But if the grandparents parent the grandchildren the way their children are seeking to parent their own children, then there will be harmony and security. This harmony and security will not only be experienced by the children, but by the parents and grandparents as well.

So back to that balancing act of parenting and grandparenting simultaneously. We have noticed that we must be extremely careful when caring for our grandchildren here in our home. It’s not all that noticeable in other’s homes where we and both our children/grandchildren are present. But in our home, we see the necessity of consistent parenting for both our young children and our grandchildren. We cannot allow our grandchildren the luxury of being/doing/saying what we don’t allow our own youngsters to be/do/say. And yet… there’s this unique dynamic that we also need to work to affirm our children (the parents of our grandchildren) but deferring to them when discipline is necessary or backing up recent discipline with appropriate boundaries. Our grandchildren witness this as see us as a “united front” with their parents. And our own little children (the aunts and uncles of the grandchildren) see us demonstrating the very same care and discipline and so they also have affirmation of a unified consistency. I can’t afford the consequences of not doing these things… and the children would be poorly served if I didn’t.

More another time on grandparenting and parenting young ones.

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